A nauseating sweet smell crept up my nose as I opened my eyes to the darkness that surrounded me. What the HELL just happened? My mind raced to come to grips with the direction of the road to the right side of the Bronco II. How did I come to be facing this direction? A moment ago the road was on my left; driving in the right lane to return to college. Smoke billowed from the crumbed primer gray hood through the shattered and missing parts of the windshield. That sweet smell… Read More

It’s been an eternity since I posted in this blog. I could think of many excuses; validation of reasons why I haven’t dedicated a few moments to creating in this space. It would all be complete bullshit. As my Alcoholic Father used to say; “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter!” I won’t attempt to either. As I reflect on 2022; the first seven months spent in a on again off again cycle of abuse, codependency and fake love for the drug addicted, narcissistic ex boyfriend… I finally feel safe now. Finally free in… Read More

As I lay waste to this day; I wonder will I ever feel “good enough”? I’m sure people that know me would question my sanity when they read that first sentence. I work as a Project Manager in the Construction industry. I work long days, consume myself with every detail of the project, create scenarios in my head for possible issues that may arise and how to solve those problems quickly and efficeiently. Most would agree I’m very good at what I do. Except me. My Boss asked me, “Do you know… Read More

“If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative! Know when to close the account. ~Christie williams~ Definition: “One that gives.” Okay, that makes sense, right? How about the definition of “Give”… yep… this is more like it. Merriam Webster is on fire with this: “to make present of”… “to grant or bestow by formal action”… “to accord or yield to another”… “to put into possession of another for his or her use”… “to commit to another as… Read More

“The Angel’s Share” https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/the-finest-words-for-drinking/angels-share Definition: : an amount of an alcoholic drink (such as cognac, brandy, or whiskey) that is lost to evaporation when the liquid is being aged in porous oak barrels. As I pondered over the idea of writing this blog; I debated what I would call it. For some reason the liquor commercial for Jim Bean (I think) came in my head. I thought about the verbiage of that advertisement. Declaring the Angel’s Share is lost forever through evaporation and the Devil’s Cut is the loss which is absorbed… Read More

Sometimes it creeps up on me when I least expect it; an overwhelming rage, anger, fear, resentment and sadness. The memory of that night; a scar that will never heal; the “Devil’s Cut”. The coarse corn stalks digging in my back; the smell of moist dirt and dampness of the night air. I look up at the stars in the sky completely unaware how I ended up flat on my back so quickly. Just a moment ago I was walking the path with my friend; headed home after taking a tractor ride… Read More